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With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.