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One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…