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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.