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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?