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the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.