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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
“The darndest things.” -kids
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?