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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.