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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb