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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
u cant spell awesome without me
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
A bachelor party seems more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!