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When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.