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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets