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I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.