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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
really vry funny
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.