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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Better late than pregnant.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.