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If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
When I order pizza online and there’s a “Notes” box I put “Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON”
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
It`s nice to feel wanted. Even if it`s by the FBI.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"