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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.