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Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers