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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?