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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.