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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work