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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.