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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.