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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.