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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)