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You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I`m having an out of money experience.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.