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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of