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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
My life is based on a true story
My body needs a refresh button.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake