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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.