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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.