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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.