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Iām single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.