Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.