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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!