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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.