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Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out