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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.