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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
This is a lousy dating site.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.