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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over