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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
What number SPF blocks people?
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!