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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.