Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
If I haven’t embarrassed myself in front of you… don’t worry, it’ll happen.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.