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Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?