Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.