Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.