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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
common sense is like deodrant. the people who need it thr most never use it.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...