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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.