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My favorite part of the day? The food part.
My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…