Daily Silly Status

The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$

Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.

You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!

If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.

I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?

When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.

I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.

If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me

I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.

The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.

Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.

The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.

I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.