Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.