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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....