Daily Silly Status

Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.

I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.

With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.

I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.

I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.

I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.

I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.

I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!

If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.

It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.

I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.

My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."

I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"

Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.

Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.