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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?