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Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
It may look like Iām in deep thought, but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
I want to sleep tighter
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?